


How Could I Cope?

by jojo_puz



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Depressed John, Euthanasia, LGBTQ Character, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Protective John, Same-Sex Marriage, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-23 17:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15611031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojo_puz/pseuds/jojo_puz
Summary: In the summer of 2010, I met him, the man that would forever change my world. (im going to change the summary later)





	1. Chapter 1

In the summer of 2010, I met him, the man that would forever change my world. I didn’t know it at first but eventually, I would. It’s now the summer of 2018, I’m not alone, it was quiet except for the rustling downstairs which would be Mrs. Hudson, my landlady. There was the occasional zoom from the cars outside. The windows released dust every time wind draught would come through to the poorly paned windows. The smell of musk was abundant within the flat. Sunlight barely making it through the windows. Experiments, gone from the kitchen table, books, thrown away, everything was clean but the abundance in dust was still there. I had barely moved since he went since he…died. This was our story, our only story. I wish I had known him for longer than what we had, but I guess, It had to be shorter or it would’ve killed me too. 

“So John, tell me.”

We first met through a friend, I had been walking through the park when I had bumped into Mike Stamford. He was a scientist now, he had left the Northumberland Fusiliers, that’s where I used to be. It was nice meeting a friend. I was alone for quite some time. I would guess you know the story about that. Mike had mentioned that his friend needed a flatmate, I also needed a flatmate so I agreed to come with him. We entered St Barts, it was a hospital. I didn’t ask him where he was taking me, I trusted him with my life. We entered the mortuary, we were met by a girl in a ponytail. Mike introduced me to her, her name was Molly, she said that she was just going to get a coffee for someone, so we let her be. We entered a lab where a tall, slim man with curly dark hair was looking into a microscope. His head turned and I saw his face. That was the first time I saw his face, his beautiful face. I didn’t fall for him then, I knew that I was straight then. I had been with many women but they never stayed for very long. The feeling of commitment was scary for me, the feeling of being with the same person for a very long time scared me. He looked back to his microscope then asked,

“Afghanistan or Iraq”

I was dumbfounded at first, of course, I got to know him better. Did you know that Mycroft was watching our every move? He had hidden cameras everywhere. He even named them after my blog titles. The Six Thatchers, The Great Game, A Study In Pink. He was very amused when he watched and had someone edit them. He even had BBC show the “episodes” on T.V. I guess people liked them because the next day BBC showed the first season, I was a star. I didn’t want it like that so I stayed with Sherlock, solving crimes and stuff. The thing is I had started to see him in a way that I’d never seen before. It was around the time I got married to my late wife Mary. She died from childbirth and my daughter died prematurely. His speech was sort of weird like he had been confessing something but I never really got it. So then we solved a crime then and there on my wedding day. I would guess everyone knows that now since Mycroft released all the other episodes once Sherlock died. He said to me,

“I’m going to stop filming everything once we solve and help our sister, Eurus.” 

And so he did. I think this the part I’m going to tell you, what happened, what evolved, what feelings were confessed.

“Go ahead John, tell me”

It was about a year ago after we had moved on. Sherlock still visited Eurus almost every day, they would play. Sometimes I would come, sometimes I wouldn’t. I still worked at the Surgery of course. After a month of Sherlock going to his sister, he stopped. Then one day out of the blue, he said to me, 

“John, you might think it’s strange and far beyond you but, I don’t think love is a human error anymore and sentiment is not always found on the losing side.”

I was shocked, he proposed to a woman named Janine once. I guess he changed then, but after that, his feeling and emotions were still the same. I didn’t know what changed him now. Was it Mrs. Hudson? I wasn’t really sure. If I’m being honest I think it was his sister. 

A few weeks later, after solving about 20 to 30 crimes, I continued working on my blog. It helped me a lot, but after I had finished all the blog writing, I had only then noticed Sherlock staring at me. I had asked him why he was staring but he only responded small grunts. If I remember it clearly, he then stood up, stood beside me to only stare at my face with a shorter distance between our faces. I remember this part clearer than anything, his eyes dilated and his breathing went quicker. My heart was beating very fast, then after that, he just straightened up and walked to his room. I was oblivious then, I now know that he had feelings for me then. 

“Was there anything else John?”

Of course, there is, our relationship was only supposed to be a friendship one, I didn’t know that it would evolve to us eventually getting married. The first one to confess was him. I was standing by the door drinking my tea, and he was sitting in his chair also doing the same thing. He stood up and went up to my face, he put both his hands on the wall as if to place me there. Could I ever forget those words? No, I could never. He said to me,

“John, I meant what I said, the month after I had stopped playing to Eurus. I don’t think love is human error or else I’m human.”

I responded,

“You are human Sherlock. You might not think you are but, I am too. Everyone here is human. Just because you love something Sherlock, that proves you’re a human too.”

“Not something John, someone.”

Then, swift as a fox. We kissed. I didn’t know what to do. He was kissing me then and there. Without hesitation, I kissed him back. He was shocked, I could feel it. There we were, two people, just kissing. I was in love. I didn’t know it then but, that kiss, sealed it for me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the kiss, we went on with our normal lives as if nothing had happened. It kind of hurt me a bit that we had spent our lives the same even though we had something special.

After the kiss, we went on with our normal lives as if nothing had happened. It kind of hurt me a bit that we had spent our lives the same even though we had something special. I eventually got sick of waiting for him to make a move so I did. I went up to him and knelt down in front of him. I looked up to see his eyes staring at me, I’d said,

“Sherlock, I don’t know how to say this but…”

“John. It’s okay you don’t have to beat yourself about it. I was the one who kissed you…”

“No Sherlock, I’m not saying that. I’m just anxious.”

I put my hands to my face then looked back up, his beautiful eyes were on me. 

“I love you, Sherlock Holmes, you are the only one for me. I started to know when Mary died, you were always there for me and for that I fell for you, I fell so hard.” 

I started crying and sobbing into the palms of my hands, wet with the tears that fell from my eyes. I felt a huge lift from my shoulders as if the one thing that weighed me down with anxiety had just left. A pair of arms hugged me closer, Sherlock was hugging me. I was so happy. 

“I love you too John Watson, ever since I saw you.”

I looked up and saw his face with the biggest grin on his face while tears were streaming down his face. I had the urge to kiss him for hours, kiss his perfectly shaped lips. I just couldn’t get enough of him. I took his face into my hand and just kissed him so hard till it hurt. I loved him so very much, I didn’t know how to explain it. 

The next few days were very romantic. Sherlock had taken me out on a date, ironically at Angelo’s.

“So Sherlock, have anything free, on the house. Is he finally your date?”

“Yes Angelo.”

“Finally, do you know how long I waited for you to say that. “

Angelo smiled and I smiled back and he went off to get some more menus for other customers while we had chosen ours. 

“What do you want, my love?”

“I’ll have the Pasta al Pesto, what do you want love?”

“I’ll have the Tomato Soup with a side of garlic bread. We’ll also have a bottle of red wine.”

The rest of the night went smoothly. We had gotten home by cab and stumbled to our separate bedrooms. Everything went the same from then on. We’d have dinner out once a week, Sherlock would get a case every week that would usually take about 2 days while I worked at the surgery. We made it a deal that we would do date night every week. My feelings for him developed so fast that before I knew it I’d miss his voice everyday. 

There was this one night where we decided to stay in for our date night watching this boring show on the telly. I looked over to him and I looked into his eyes. He turned to me and did the same. Before I knew it we were all over each other. Sherlock had me pinned up against my seat, kissing me harder with every swipe of his tongue. I stood up and he pushed me back into his room, he pinned me up against the wall trying to remove my clothes but failing miserably. I eventually started to take mine off…

“John, you don’t need to explain that”

Oh, I’m sorry, I got carried away. Well we finished everything and that had been one of the first times we had… you know. I can still feel him against me, his cold, porcelain skin gaining friction against mine. I’m sorry I went back there. I.. I just don’t...want to miss... him anymore 

“It’s okay John. Keep going.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post, will be posting same time and day again. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was he smiling, John?

After a short while of dating, a month by the way, Sherlock had said that we should have a holiday out to France He said that we could spend a week there and take a tour around there. I agreed and took a leave from the surgery while he let Lestrade know that he’ll be gone for the week. We packed our bags and headed off to the airport. Our taxi ride was a quiet one, we were still holding hands in the car. I looked over to see that Sherlock was staring out the window, smiling, it was a rare gesture for him to smile, maybe he was excited, but I know now why he had been smiling.

“Why was he smiling John?”

I’ll get to tell that later. 

*Phone rings* 

“Hello, Rachel here. Mhm. Mhm. We’re on our way. John, would you like to continue this in my office? They just want me back there. Also it would be easier to do it there, we have the right facilities 

Of course, that wouldn’t be a problem. I got up and out of my seat, I’ll be selling our old house. The house that Mary and I lived in for a few years. I had bought that house a few months after Sherlock had ‘died’. It still belonged to me and I had nearly paid off my mortgage, thanks to Mycroft, but I just didn’t need the house anymore. I rented it for a long time, I had just told Mycroft if he could sell it. We climbed into the cab that Rachel had gotten and we drove off from the flat. We arrived at a building that looked like a hospital. The name of the building was “Institute of Post-Mortem Research”. We entered a lobby where the receptionist greeted us with a smile when exiting the main lobby. We went through a long corridor which took us to an elevator, Rachel smiled and said,

“It’s okay John, we’re just going to my office. It’s not long now. I just want to finish our conversation so that you can get it over and done with. Is that okay?”

I simply nodded but I thought it was about time for me to do it. She pressed the button to go to the 9th floor. The elevator music was calming to my fast heartbeat as we got closer to the 9th floor. We finally made it to the 9th floor and we turned right to see multiple rooms that we’re numbered, Rachel started to speak which startled me.

“John, my office is just down the hall but your room will be here”

She pointed to the door with 221 on the front, bit ironic isn’t it i thought to myself. We walked to the end of the hall to where I was greeted with white lights and big windows looking across London. The walls were painted white and a sofa was sitting in the middle while facing a desk that was surprisingly organized. I sat down on the sofa while Rachel took her seat behind the desk. 

“John, continue please.”  
Of course. When we arrived at the airport, Mycroft and Lestrade had been waiting there for us. They were on their way to their second honeymoon to Bora Bora, they had planned to stay there for a week too when they heard we were going to France. We greeted them at the front of the airport as our flight wasn’t going to arrive for another 5 hours and their flight wouldn’t arrive for another 6 so we decided to meet up and just go our separate ways when we have to leave for our flight. Lestrade came up to me and said, 

“So, why’d Sherlock want to up and leave London suddenly?”

“I didn’t know, I guess he had just wanted to get away from the daily stresses. I would’ve wanted to go on a holiday too.”

“You sure he doesn’t want to propose to you? France is romantic and well…there’s a bulge in his pocket.” said Greg.

“Well I think that’s just his phone and wallet Greg. I think Mycroft has a special something for you too.” I raised an eyebrow at Greg and he just giggled. I wondered what it’s like to be married, to be dedicated for someone that long. I would’ve wanted to spend my life with Sherlock and I did.

“Keep going John. Take your time.”

We had arrived in France after 1 hour and 10 minutes of us eating the peanuts and Sherlock deducting where they had been shelled and picked and how the flight attendant had been cheating on her boyfriend with the pilot. We had been giggling and laughing the whole time we were on the flight. Some people looked at us strange but in the end they just ended up looking away. I loved Sherlock with all my heart and I wanted to spend my whole life with him. I had planned to propose to him that night. We got to the Mandarin Oriental we had checked in and had gotten our room key and started to go to the elevator to get to our room. 

“John, our room number is very ironic, 221. Room 221, that’s the room we’re in”

I giggled a little and we had started to make our way to our room. This was apparently the most luxurious hotels in the country, I made a mental note to thank Mycroft. We made ourselves comfortable as we started to retreat onto the bed, tired from our trip we covered ourselves with the crisp white sheet, cuddling and spooning to find the best position to sleep. As I was drifting off under Sherlock’s arm a small whisper came to my ear, 

“I love you Dr. John Watson.”


	4. Authors note

I’m sorry guys. I love this story but it’s lacking. I can’t continue this.

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters every Saturday 6:00pm (AEST)


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